Why do we struggle to hold complexity?
"It's complicated."
How often do we use this phrase to describe our relationships, decisions, or life situations? The reality is that life is not binary—it's a rich tapestry of overlapping shades and perspectives; in other words, it’s messy.
As we evolve through the different ages and stages of our lives, understanding its complexities, and how to navigate what is hard and messy, becomes crucial for personal growth and meaningful connection.
Life is inherently complex.
As we grow older, it becomes increasingly clear that our relationships, situations, and decisions have depths that cannot be easily categorized into right or wrong. Each year brings with it new experiences and wisdom; from personal relationships to professional choices, the layers of complexity are evident everywhere.
The Danger of Binary Thinking
In a world of infinite possibilities and so much complexity, it's surprising that binary thinking still prevails. We often view choices, people, and situations in terms of black or white, yes or no, right or wrong; often convincing ourselves that our view point is the prevailing and “correct” one. This thinking and mindset is limiting, preventing us from imagining what’s possible and considering that there is information and perspective that is different than our own.
Instead, we often get righteous. We lack the humility to know what we don’t know, and instead stand on principle rather than consider all sides of a situation. We close down to differing insights and instead move to defensiveness and a belief that we are right, moving us back to binary.
Embracing Complexity in Relationships
Consider the relationships in your life—they are perfect examples of complexity. You might deeply love someone yet recognize that being in a relationship with them is detrimental to your wellbeing. Managing such relationships often involves making tough decisions, like ending a relationship while still holding love for them. Rather than force ourselves to stand in one corner or opinion, our opportunity is to hold both. We can choose to let go of the relationship and also do it with love. The truth is that holding both can feel hard and cause deeper, more powerful emotions.
Yet, we are infinitely capable of doing hard things.
Complexity in Decision-Making
Decisions and situations are rarely straightforward. As an example, you may want to spend time with your family but also need to set boundaries in order to maintain peace and calm for yourself; so that you can create the experience that makes you most comfortable. Understanding and setting these boundaries is an example of navigating complexity in a way that honors both your needs and your commitment to these relationships.
It may require open and honest (hard) conversations, and doing things in new ways; or in other words, considering a different approach to something that you’ve always done in one, certain way.
The Role of Empathy and Perspective
Complexity demands empathy. It's possible to feel empathy for someone who has hurt you, recognizing that their actions, while painful, may not have been intended to cause harm. Taking time to understand what is behind the behavior of others, encourages a more compassionate approach to conflicts and misunderstandings, fostering deeper connections and allowing for resolutions grounded in understanding rather than retaliation.
This moment in time is incredibly complicated; socially, economically, personally and politically.
Binary thinking will continue to divide us and cause far more harm than good. Yes, we can still hold an opinion and take a stand, but perhaps we can also work hard to recognize just how messy life really is and begin to broaden our curiosity and understanding. Despite what we may think, we actually don’t know everything.
Growth Through Complexity
As the world continues to evolve and expand, so do the opportunities to grow and learn from its complexities. By remaining open to multiple truths, managing our emotions more carefully and getting curious about what we do not understand; we can navigate life more effectively. Listening to understand rather than merely respond, allows us to grasp the intricacies of each and every situation we encounter.
What we most seek is greater peace, ease, and freedom. So, when we can let go of narrow thinking, and recognize that things are not so simple, we can begin to move towards a life of greater connection and satisfaction.
The Path Forward in a Complicated World
As we move forward, let's commit to expand how we view and process our experiences. By embracing the complexity around us, we can make more informed, considerate, and ultimately fulfilling decisions.
Let's cherish the complexity—it's what adds color and depth to our human experience.
Remember, next time you find yourself saying, "It's complicated," consider it an opportunity to dive deeper, explore further, and understand better. Life is not just about finding answers; it's about appreciating the questions and the myriad ways they can be answered.
This story was sent to my newsletter subscribers a week before it appeared on my website. Sign up to get these and other goodies in your inbox!
